There are things, one day, I hope to understand. Like if there really are UFO’s out there. Or what actually happened during the Kennedy assassination. Maybe even something simple like why spouses instinctively cross their arms when you’re trying to lie to them about what happened to that last doughnut.
But the mystery for the ages for me involves how Las Vegas sets the point spreads on sporting events.
It is simply uncanny how accurate those things turn out to be most of the time, and the ones the look like the biggest mistakes seem to always turn out to be deadly accurate.
I’m not a gambler by any means, but 47 years ago during my freshman year at Virginia Tech, I made friends with an otherwise mild-mannered, church-going Southern Gentleman named Doug. He has been my best friend over those years, and is a wonderful person. Wonderful, well, until he gets involved in anything competitive. Then he talks trash like chickens lay eggs.
Combine this with his deep dislike to lose and 47 years of history as friends, and watching a sporting events without all this trash talking has become unthinkable. The last two days, for example, we picked 4 college football games each day spread throughout the day to bet on. The bet is only $1, and I always let Doug pick whoever he wants. I take the other team and whatever the most current point spread says in terms of getting or giving points.
This guarantees throughout the day a series of texts aimed at not only the game, but anything from past mistakes to verbal assaults on your manhood. If you’re not a guy, you may not understand that this is how men bond. Often, when a turn in events warrants, the conversation will go from text to actual phone call so the insults can be quicker and more intense.
My wife usually walks by the door to my office when these are going on, shakes her head, and mutters something along the lines of “you two ain’t right.”
After she moves out of hearing range, both of us will usually say something like “so, what’s your point?” in response.
I mean, when she’s right, she’s right.