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If You Give A Dog A Byline, You've Got To Let Her Use It

Saturday, my Daddy was talking about how he had set up five authors on this site, but only four of them were writers. He said he had set up a fifth account – which he called a “dummy” account – to experiment with things on his test server when it came to bylines, author bios and other things. He set the account up in my name.

Well, first of all, I ain’t no dummy. And if you’re going to give a dog a byline, you have to let her use it every now and then. So while he’s in some other part of the house doing something my Mom is always complaining about – I think she calls it “wasting time” – I’m going to borrow his keyboard and pound out a few paragraphs.

Today’s topic regards something I kept reading on Twitter yesterday while I was in Daddy’s lap. Because it was Mother’s Day, many people were referring to their dogs as their babies, and dogs were referring to their primary caretakers as their moms and dads.

This made others annoyed for some reason. Who thinks of their animals as their children, they asked, as if those who do have some mental ailment and need to seek professional help.

So I’m going to explain it from the perspective of a WonderBeagle. I know I’m not a hooman (which is a good thing because I would hate to go to school…or have acne and wear braces). But there is a dependency I have on my hoomans. They feed me, protect me, take me to the vet and yell at me when I do whatever I want…just like the hooman child they also seem to adore.

In return I keep them company. I know when they’re sad and crawl up into their lap to make them feel better. I protect them and warn them whenever the wind blows or there’s the slightest sound in the house. I clean plates if there’s any food left on them, and I make them smile, even when I frustrate them to the point Daddy calls me by the name of the hooman child.

I also train them, or at least with Daddy I do. As you can see in the pictures above, I can just stare at him and he’ll be up and out of his seat to take me anywhere I want. I still have work to do, as I like to sleep on his lap, but sometimes he forgets to cover me with a blanket. So for now, I bring mine with me until I finally teach him to remember.

No, I’m not a hooman. But I am part of the family. Daddy always says that when the last two dogs left to cross the rainbow bridge, it left a huge hole in his and Mom's hearts. I don’t know what that means, but I try really hard every day to make him and Mom happy, and when I do, he says something about me and my brown eyes being something called a blessing. Then he gives me treats.

He also says people who complain about calling their pets their children have probably never owned pets. He says hooman children will always love you, but that us animals take it one step further and will always love you unconditionally.

He also says never trust anyone you meet who doesn’t like dogs. And never believe anything you read on Twitter.

So I don’t care what they call me. All I know is Daddy is great to take a nap on, he gives me three scoops of food when Mom only gives me two, and he does hug and kiss on me a lot. Before I came to live here, I was lying on a concrete floor in a South Carolina shelter.

Now I’m laying on a sofa, teaching my Daddy how to cover me with a blanket.

All while he keeps saying something about me being a blessing.

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Comments 2

Dave Fulton on Monday, 10 May 2021 14:43
Stand Up & Be Counted

Maggie, glad you spoke up and didn't hide your light under a bushel. You better be careful talking about being a Hoo Man around your Daddy. He seems the generous type, but some boundaries you just don't cross.

Maggie, glad you spoke up and didn't hide your light under a bushel. You better be careful talking about being a Hoo Man around your Daddy. He seems the generous type, but some boundaries you just don't cross.:D
Maggie The WonderBeagle on Monday, 10 May 2021 14:59
I'm Not Scared

I let him think he's in charge. But I own him

I let him think he's in charge. But I own him :D
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