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I live with a snow drama queen.
At this time of the year, I constantly hear of mythical creatures with names like Topper, Kammerer and Sue Palka. The sound of their voices – along with their forecast of a high snow accumulation – can drive my house into a frenzy.
She remembers the hits and the misses, and has a long memory about the misses. It can be the middle of a summer, when the local news turns to the weather, but you can still hear “he lied to me” like a scorned lover as she remembers the time the forecast called for a foot of snow, but barely two inches accumulated on the driveway.
She can tell you the difference between the Euro and NAM forecast models, and why the one that calls for the most snow is always the right one. She can’t tell you the names of the nuts in a can of Planter’s mixed nuts, but she knows some person named “Jay’s Wintry Mix” like he was a member of the family.
She values accuracy and despises guesses. Forecasts that call for 5 to 12 inches of snow cause her distress. “They might as well just say the forecast is from zero to 82 inches,” she laments. Then she changes the channel and her mood when a new weather person says 7 to 19 inches, because at least on the low end it means more snow.
She can speak at length of what it means when the flakes are small, and when the flakes turn into fluffy pillows of frozen condensation. Dare not say the size of the flakes mean the storm is about to end. It won’t end well for you.
Experience means something to her, and when the associate weather person not named Topper, Kammerer or Sue Palka gets a little too cavalier in talking about the serious business of snowfall, she turns into a character in Mean Girls, asking out loud “who do they think they’re talking to? That’s lame.”
Other times of the year, I’ll get emails or texts from her to remind me or inform me of things. In Feburary, they all usually start with “now they’re saying it’s only going to be one to three inches. But there could be a second wave and that could mean more snow.”
Days like today – where they’re saying there COULD be a big snowfall spread over several days – are the most challenging. They said that would happen last week, and all we got was several days of nuisance snow that didn’t amount to that much.
Sunday was even worse, as it snowed heavily for several hours in the morning, but stopped shortly after noon. Then the sun came out and melted everything to the point that by nightfall, it was like it never snowed in the first place.
“What a dud,” she said on several occasions.
So today we wait. The weather magicians have all left the door open that this could be a huge accumulation over the next few days. It could also be nothing but rain. But the blinds of the picture window in the den have been pulled up. Nature’s television is set up and ready to be watched for the next few days. A cross between a blizzard and an avalanche is hoped for.
I smile, know not to argue, and shovel what falls.
All while counting the days until spring 😊